Most women lie to themselves, and that awful habit is a stoppable form of self-imprisonment!
They often tell themselves one or more of these (or other) unhealthy thoughts:
- I’m not good enough
- I’ll never amount to anything
- I don’t belong or I don’t fit in
- Nobody cares about me
- I have to do it right or be right
- I’m not seen or heard unless I mess up
- Something’s wrong with me or I’m not normal
- I’m a bad mother/grandmother/daughter/spouse/partner/sister
- What I want doesn’t matter
- I can’t do anything about it
- I have to do everything myself
- God won’t help me or God’s getting back at me
Where do these lies come from?
Typically, false beliefs have their roots in some incident or dynamic that goes way back, perhaps to childhood.
Take my 6th grade report card story, for example. As my fellow 12-year-old classmates and I put on coats to go home one report card day, we showed each other our grades–As, Bs, Cs, and Ds in the main subjects; V for Very Good, S for Satisfactory, or N for Needs Improvement in the behavior category.
Looking at my report card, classmates exclaimed, “Wow, you’re gonna clean up! Do your parents give you a quarter for every A?” I had straight As, and it was in the 60s.
“No,” I said, “I’m going to be in big trouble.”
Sure enough, that night my parents grounded me for weeks, because I got an N in Paying Attention. That day reinforced my belief that nothing I did was good enough, a LIE that kept me stuck in crippling perfectionism for decades. (Of course, the irony is that my paying-attention skills did need improvement — not so much to understand the subject lessons, but simply to be a better listener.)*
Awareness, Improvement, Steps to Overcome, and then Freedom
I became aware of the compulsiveness of my perfectionism through personality assessments, by loved ones pointing it out, and from my spiritual directors. When I was in Spiritual Direction School, I had some Aha’s and started lightening up a bit. In Kaizen-Muse™ Creativity Coaching training, while I was writing my first book, my perfectionism came up again. I began consciously lowering my expectations of myself and realizing what a burden and barrier perfectionism had become. Shortly thereafter, in doing Heart Work and Spiritual Cleansing with Convergence™ and UNBOUND ministries, I renounced and became (mostly) free of the lies that I’m not good enough and that I always have to do things right or be right!
If I were still trapped in perfectionism, I wouldn’t dare to express concepts like this on a blog or to teach the concepts I share in my teleclasses. I’d be waiting until I’d read all I could on each subject and had “perfect” posts and teaching outlines—a day that would never arrive. Instead, I accept that only God is perfect, and that in yielding to the Holy Spirit as I write, teach, or make quilts, God can work through me. My weakness becomes an instrument for God’s grace to flow through. Daring to rely on this is what I call Holy Boldness. And I believe that every day we can all sow Holy Boldness into the art of life, however you interpret that!
Being free of those lies has opened up so much good, and so much creativity, that I can’t wait to help others get freed of their lies, too—whatever form those lies take!
The good news is that, whatever your habitual lies are, they don’t need to plague you any longer! You can break out of the prison of those false beliefs. You CAN get past the lies, forgive whatever hurt or pain that may have led to them, and put on a mindset of new beliefs to replace those lies!
Where You Can Get Help
Read Unbound by Neal Lozano, the book that came out of 30 years of experience in using the 5 Keys approach to healing and deliverance. After you’ve read the book and reflected upon your life’s stories and who or what still breeds hurt, resentment, bitterness, ill will, etc., set up an appointment to receive individual Unbound prayer ministry. You’ll typically meet for 60 to 90 minutes with a prayer leader and an intercessor who will pray with you, listen to your story non-judgmentally, confidentially, and with an ear to you and to the Holy Spirit, so they can guide you through the 3 Keys and help you unlock the door to healing and freedom in Christ. If you’re in Northern California, please visit our ministry page and complete a request form.
Note to Mom:
*My mom reads my newsletter, so to her I say: “Hey, Mom, you know I’ve long ago forgiven everyone involved in that little story, and I ask you to forgive me for telling it again! In fact, I’m grateful it happened, because it demonstrates how seemingly minor and inadvertent things can have unintended consequences and can become some of our best teachers. You’ve also been one of my best teachers! I love you!”